Ahern Communications, Ink.: File Sharing Library / Critiques

	Foxdale development news inaugural issue This is Sophie W. Penney's first year as development director at Foxdale Village in State College, PA. And one of her goals was "to create a development newsletter." Here's her inaugural issue. There are some very nice touches and a few suggestions for improvement.	226.1 kb

	Appeal from EcoLogic for Latin American families I have made exactly one comment on this piece, but I think it's an important comment. It has to do with how you use visuals to stab people in the heart.	292.83 kb

	Camp He Ho Ha successfully renews lapsed donors This letter sent to lapsed donors did "terrific," reports Ellen Green, director of fund development for Camp Health, Hope and Happiness, a recreational facility in Alberta for people with disabilities. "With the economy last year, I thought this hobo story would have considerable appeal -- and it did." I love this letter, and you simply cannot argue with success. Yet I do have my quibbles.	412.41 kb

	United Way of Pickens County 2010 annual report The file for this PDF was so big that I had to trim it in half. But the front half is where all the stories are -- and that's what you'll want to see. United Way of Pickens County president, Julie Capaldi, gave the front of her parade to some amazing, heartwarming stories, and let the statistics pull up the rear. As it should be....	4.33 mb

	MassVOTE donor newsletter May 2010 MassVOTE is a dynamic agency dedicated to turning out the poor, minority, and youth vote in Massachusetts. Andrea Jamison, the newsletter editor, attended my workshop. This is the organization's first newsletter, and she asked my opinion. There is much to like and a couple of things still to work on.	752.2 kb

	CUPS Calgary case Is this the best use of a theme to drive a case for support? I think it just might well be! This case for support is brilliant: sparse yet bold, quiet yet powerful, and above all sharply focused. Small quibble: I had to read body text to understand that CUPS works with the homeless. Very small quibble: I love this one. Breathtaking.	1.15 mb

	Marketing brief for annual case, Sisters of Mercy The Sisters of Mercy are a bunch of reform-minded, education-obsessed nuns who go boldly into tough neighborhoods and make things better. Trouble is, their numbers are shrinking. The Sisters need more donors to keep their missions alive and well. Here's the "marketing concept" that stands behind their 2010 case for support.	132.02 kb

	Westminster Canterbury (VA) Fellowship Fund 2015 Campaign This is a well-written brochure that misses some opportunities to connect with its prospects.	137.7 kb

	Campaign case for the Q Theatre, Auckland, NZ The PDF doesn't do the physical case justice. In print form, this highly dramatic, highly emotional, highly "hook-infested" case is even more entertaining, as it unfolds.	470.33 kb

	Bissell Centre Newsletter Spring-ish 2010 For your consideration: the supporter newsletter of the Bissell Centre, in Edmonton, Alberta. The Centre helps the homeless, hungry, addicted, mentally ill, and the suffering poor. This issue announces Bissell's Centennial Celebration: 100 years of doing good.	561.04 kb

	American Refugee Committee 2008 annual report I love this annual report for its brains and beauty. Even so, there are areas for improvement.	3.97 mb

	Toy & Action Figure Museum special appeal The Toy & Action Figure Museum, established as part of the economic development plan, for Pauls Valley, OK, needs a new floor for its heavily used playroom. So director Lisa Driskill issued a special appeal. It's doing okay, but hasn't reached goal. She asked for my "brutal" opinions re: why I thought response was modest.	302.29 kb

	Girls Scouts of CT appeal Martie Kaczmarek, Director of Advancement Services, at Girls Scouts of CT, writes: "I know you meet a zillion people around the world so I don’t expect you to remember me. I met you several months ago in Middlesex County College in Middletown, CT. You gave us GREAT advice and I followed it. And I still believe it, despite my lack of success. Now I need your feedback – my appeal was a dud and I can’t figure out why. I plan to send you one so you can actually critique it. The appeal I created was for our campership fund. I thought it had all of the elements – donor-centered, heart strings pull, new approach (greeting card look instead of the boring letter), and art by a child. Everyone said 'bang up job, Martie!' I sent it to our Alumnae, people who had previously given campership gifts, and people who had sent their girl to one of our camps over the past three years. Mailing list of 9,500. Result – 56 gifts totaling $4,210. Maybe it was because it dropped the first week of April, before tax time. Any thoughts? I am baffled and discouraged. We need money to send girls to camp whose parents can’t afford to do so. I really thought I had a winner. I am new at this so your input would be of great value. Hopefully, I am not asking too much."	1.04 mb

	Lee Pesky Learning Center annual appeal This annual appeal, signed by three, reportedly achieved a meager 1% return on investment. It's a one-page acquisition letter. But that's the least of its problems. The best part of the letter is on the reverse, with all the lovely faces.	1.15 mb

	FOCUS case statement The good folks at FOCUS Alternative Learning Center in Canton, CT wrote their first case for donor support. It makes two common mistakes: (1) it smothers some of its most persuasive hooks (testimonials, trends) beneath second helpings of insider jargon; and (2) it fails to acknowledge the donor early.	526.39 kb

	LGROW banner, before and after Patricia Pennell put her marketing committee through its creative paces, using a tool from the advertising industry called a creative brief. Two pages of simple questions get everybody on the same page and selling in the right direction.	4 mb

	PPMD annual report FY08 Keiren Havens and ChristieLyn Diller put together (yet again) an exceptionally confident and borrow-worthy annual report.	596.98 kb

	Interval House Gratitude Report 2009 Many (most?) annual reports go straight to trash, I suspect. Not this one. See what makes this subtly sophisticated "Gratitude Report" so effective.	5.02 mb

	McKay-Dee Hospital Foundation acquisition package This is a before-and-after acquisition package for McKay-Dee Hospital Foundation in Ogden, UT. It did well. See what was changed between the first draft and the final items that were mailed.	1.33 mb

	A NY Planned Parenthood donor newsletter Read this front page headline/deck in isolation, ignoring the article (just as most will). What do you think? Is it doing a great job? A good job? Or an uncertain job?	229.57 kb